It's been a couple months since I last blogged. Partly because I don't know if I have anything to say, or maybe it's because I have too much to say and don't know where to begin, or it's too much to put out here in the too-public-blog-world.
I'm not good at being pregnant, for one. I'm great at actually growing a huge baby in my belly, but I feel sick, uncomfortable, dizzy, and just not myself for 9 months, and I don't love feeling this way. And yet while whining about how crappy I feel - physically and mentally - I'm thrown into the reality that things could be a whole lot worse. A friend recently lost her little boy - a day after he was born. She is amazing and he was such a strong fighter, and I'm a horrible person for complaining about all that's going on with me, when meanwhile an incredible mom is missing her little one with such intensity that I feel the pain of his absence too. I'm continuing to pray for this family and think of their sweet angel often.
And on the flip side, a family just won a court case for a couple million dollars because their child has Down syndrome, and had they known in advance, they would have aborted. The theory is wrongful life - this little girl (in her parents' eyes) should not have been given the right to be born. And yet here she is, living with them, a few years old now - I wonder if she's aware of how much she wasn't (isn't?) wanted by them?
I'm not saying having a child with Down syndrome is super easy. And finding out the news is a complete shock, no matter what your beliefs. And 90+% of people who find out during pregnancy do abort, although it still makes me sick to think about it. But oh my God, as soon as I held Lilly in my arms I fell in love with that girl. And whatever "challenges" we face by her having an extra chromosome, are hundreds - millions - of ways that our lives are also easier, better, because of exactly who she is.
It's actually interesting to me because I think I adjusted so much better 6 years ago being pregnant with a child with quote special needs, than I am this time just being pregnant with a second child. And I have to take that faith I had with Lilly - that "everything's gonna be alright" wholehearted belief - and apply it this time as well.
No matter how kids come into this world, they deserve parents who love them and fight for them, and if things turn out different than we plan, they need that support even more.
So that's just a little portion of what's going on in my head. I'm up 43 pounds, and have about a month until D-date. Baby's room is ready, the Bob double jogger is purchased (I can't wait to start moving again after baby arrives!), and Lilly is excited to be a big sister.
I'm trying not to take anything for granted - my little girl with her extra specialness who is oh-so-perfect, no matter what precedent the courts have just set; and our new little baby who is joining our family as an angel leaves another family.
And, unrelated, Lilly is learning to read. More on that later, but I am loving teaching her with tons of fun "games" and she is such an eager learner.
Hoping the next month flies by...