Two weeks since my last day of work. Two weeks since I last had a computer. I turned my company laptop back in, and Jon was out of town in Montreal. Then he came back for a day then back away again to St. Louis. Then back the night before we headed to Atlanta for Thanksgiving. We got back to NYC Saturday, and by that night he had downloaded a virus and the computer headed to the Geek Squad at Best Buy.
And... we're back.
I've realized, first, that I can totally be fine without a computer. As far as the daily life goes. The past few days of not working has led me to clean and organize (a little - we're still "moving in" in some ways even though we've been here 5 months, because we never had time to truly settle), to cook and shop, and to nurture my little girl and spend time sitting next to my husband on the couch at night.
It's been nice. It's like, I've not only lost the daily stresses of work, but I've lost the distractions that random internet-ing has brought me. I've focused on what's important to us, and appreciating the little things.
But, what I haven't done, is blogged, organized pictures online, ordered our Christmas cards, researched recipes, and downloaded the audio to Lilly's new Tag Junior. So, glad to have the computer back.
I have a lot to say, now that I have the time to think. So I'm hoping I'll take the creative energy and time and actually put my thoughts out there more frequently.
But the biggest thing that I've noticed in the recent days is, wow I love my daughter.
When it comes down to it, however much my job was getting round the clock stressful, and however much our school situation had changed and our lives were getting chaotic, the overall reason that I left my job is that I needed to not take work out on Lilly anymore. NY had given us too much to handle, and Lilly is 4 years old once. I could no longer brush her aside for work. It wasn't fair to her.
So in the week I've had to truly appreciate my little gift, it's been better than I've imagined. Sure, she's devious, a little nuts, tricky, cheeky, and mischievious. If I ever had to be in charge of a war against another country, I'd have Lilly be my number one general, as she is so good at assessing the enemy (aka, me and Jon and bedtime, usually), knowing the strengths and weaknesses, and going all out warfare against us - and not in a horrible way, but in a "I'm going to win at all costs, and you won't even know it's coming." And then she goes to be late yet again, and I'm struggling to wake her up at 7:30 am while she pulls a teenage ducking-head-under-the-covers move...
But that's not where I'm going with this. She is as clever as can be when she "needs" to be, but the real beauty of Lilly is the majority of the time when she is just incredible to watch. I can't tell you how many times in the past two weeks that I've thanked God with tears in my eyes for the experience to live with this girl and witness everything she has to show to the world. Truly amazing. I love that I get to be there for her through her happy and funny and sad and angry (don't mess with "Elmo's Christmas" on dvd, she will truly show you a different side of her!).
I love my girl. But I especially love now having the time to really appreciate every part of who she is.