Thursday, December 25, 2008


Sometimes I worry so much I can't even breathe.

I worry about everything. Why is the ceiling leaking when it rains? How am I going to have the time to clean the house? The economy - is my job safe? Will we have enough money to make it through? What job will Jon take when he finishes residency in 18 months - what city will we end up in? Is the fridge working right? Will our house fall off the cliff? Will it rain too much this week? Will it be too sunny so that we get burned? Should we eat in or out tomorrow, and if we eat in, what should I cook, and if we eat out, where? And what do I order? Should I be concerned about why the ants are headed in a straight line on the deck right towards the house? What if I get in a car accident? When am I going to clean my car out? Does Jon really love me even when we fight? And what is that crazy sound on the window - a bird or a burgler? Am I going to get enough sleep tonite?

Yet tonite, even with these worries playing on repeat in my head, I have a bigger worry that trumps it all. Why does Lilly's tummy hurt so much?

She's had really bad symptoms of a stomach bug for 3 days now, and I just wish I could take it all away from her. I know I always worry about everything relating to Lilly; she is my baby girl and I never want her to hurt. I worry that she's getting too dehydrated, and she won't drink pedialyte, and what if she needs IV fluids? And I worry about it being something bigger, what if this is a sign of something more serious? Because while everyone always says "don't worry about it, it will be fine," what if it isn't? It's not always fine, not for everyone. We learned that the hard way when we lost a dear friend 6 months ago, an adorable child who passed on way too early. This little boy was amazing, and although "God always has a plan," sometimes it's just not a fair plan and it just makes me worry that something might happen to my little angel.

So I worry. I worry that Lilly's tummy might not feel better soon. I worry that she didn't have a good enough Christmas because of her tummy pain, even though she loved having her cousins Lyndsey and Julianne and her Aunt Colleen here to play and dance with. I worry as she's tossing and turning tonite while her tummy hurts. I worry that she won't eat enough saltines and water tomorrow. I'll worry that she'll want to drink milk and it will upset her tummy more. I'll worry while she's not herself, until she's back to feeling 100%. And then I'll find something new to worry about.

The answer to worry is prayers, and faith that God will take care of us. Easy to say, but hard to do sometimes, when it feels so much easier to worry. So send some prayers Lilly's way, that she feels better soon! And an extra little prayer for her mama's constant worrying.


Anonymous said...

Cath, start pushing the acidophilus...we use the powder form for Ava, but there are chewables out there too. It's a good idea to take every day, but even more so when she's fighting something. Suz

Cassi said...

Girl, if I were anywhere newar New Zealand I would take you out for a drink! You are a wonderful Mama and you know what your daughter needs. Maybe "worry" is a good thing to give up for Lent this year ;)

Lil'Sis said...

Hard hugs to you both, hope she's feeling better soon.