Gushing, a little

I've said it before, in some way or another. I've spelled it out, ranted it, insisted it, used the word "amazing" so much that it's almost losing it's "amazingness"... but it's true.

I am so thankful for Lilly. Not despite of her Down syndrome. Not making "the best of a hard situation." But - I am so so so grateful - to the point of tears as I type this - that my daughter is exactly who she is and that she was made as she is to be a part of our family.

I am so bott0m-of-my-soul grateful that God gave me my little girl who has Down syndrome. Who has her minor struggles and minor delays but who mostly is just the funniest, loveliest, most beautiful - inside and out - person that I know.

I can't imagine someone as... purposeful, I think is the right word - as Lilly. (Perhaps this is part of what gets in the way of me wanting to have another child. Or maybe it's because I really want to take Lilly to Italy... and we can't do that easily with another child... and yet we can't afford it with the house and car and furniture we'll need to buy in July... yes, that too... so we'll put that random kid on hold for awhile longer... at least until Princess Lilly gets to visit Rome...)

But regardless, our lives, my life with little Lilly, is just about perfect. Even with its hecticness and its sacrifices and its exhaustiveness (and most of that derives from Jon and I, not Lilly!) I am just about the most content person when it comes to my daughter.

So in love with her. I said it when she was just a few days old. And still, today. The way she's happy about whatever she eats for dinner, as long as includes "dip" (chicken or fish with ketchup; Mexican with salsa; pasta with marinara). The way, when she sees dancing, she frantically says "Where's my monkey?!" and then holds him with perfect Dancing with the Stars posture and waltzes him around the room. The way she tells me "Love you too, mommy" even if she's the first one to say it. (Because she knows it's an absolute given that I'm head over heels for her.) The way she gets so completely excited when I hand her a magazine when she's on the potty - "People!" she exclaims, even though she can't read but she can sure recognize that word on the front cover, and can distinguish her favorite from my favorite, Us Weekly. The way she can lick every single bit of frosting off a cupcake without inhaling a calorie of the actual "cake" portion. The way she negotiates and filibusters her way into getting exactly what she wants - even letting me think that I've "won" by getting her to wear her mittens, even though she's been promised a cupcake, watching Dirty Dancing, and staying up late in the process. The way she has such a passion for not only learning but showing me what she knows - how bright her mind is - as she recognizes every letter in the alphabet and knows words that starts with each letter, or is learning to sight read "flash cards" that I make for her. The way she always tries to hail a taxi, even if we're walking, and usually can get their attention. And when she's so disappointed when we take her to church or to the circus, because she thought she was going to Broadway to see Lion King or Mamma Mia, or watch an episode of Glee. (I misled her on Sunday by telling her there was a choir at church... and she was NOT happy when she found out it wasn't the Glee choir... whoops!) The way, hardened New Yorkers turn and look at us for just a few seconds longer, breaking into a smile, for a mamma and her little girl, so happy and in love, bopping down the street.

I love my daughter. Our lives may be somewhat nuts at times due to so many circumstances, but I wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't laugh as hard or love as deeply if it wasn't for my little Lulu.